move our hearts to hear a single beat.

2009-07-08T19:52:00.001-07:00

Wow.

2009-05-04T15:55:00.001-07:00

This is just incredible.

Ahem.

2009-04-30T12:17:00.001-07:00

http://vimeo.com/4093209

Its true. I'm obsessed with Mat Kearney.

Time for an update.

2009-04-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Well, hi friends. Its been awhile, shocking, I know. Sometimes I forget I have this, and then I see on facebook or something that someone has updated their blog and then I remember, wow I need to write on mine.

I FINALLY graduated in February with a Massage Therapy Degree/Certificate. Crazy, huh? Something I have always had on my mind, just never really thought I'd do it. Whats weird is, I was in a class of 6 people all over the age of 30 and I'm so thankful and beyond grateful I have met them. I can't believe I've finally graduated and have something I have always wanted to do at my fingertips. The only problem, finding a job. With the way the economy is right now, I'm honestly just thankful I even have a job, but it would be nice to do something with it, at least part time. So we'll see what happens.

Lately, I've been so thankful for my family. I don't know what it is, but its something about warmer weather, cookouts, campfires, hitting golf balls into the field behind my parents house, etc. I love the fact that Tim and Court are so close, always makes it nice. I honestly don't see myself living in Indiana for the rest of my life, in fact, I'm not even sure I'll be here in March, when our lease is up, but for now I'm going to be content with being here cause I know God has a reason and plan for me while I am here.

I've been doing bootcamp. Yes, bootcamp. Its a 5:15am workout on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I did a session of it in January and it ended at the end of feb, then it started back up 2 weeks ago. I honestly think I underestimated what "bootcamp" really entailed. WOW! It kicks my butt EVERYTIME! Its lots of cardio, strength, spinning, etc. It really has been good, this session the lady I nanny for and Ashley are doing it with me. Always entertaining with the 3 of us, but none of us are really morning people, especially at 5:15am! I mean, who REALLY is?? But its been a blessing in disguise. I've really been trying to get back in shape and eat right and not put bad things in my body, and its been truly good, and refreshing.

I'm letting my hair grow. Not cutting it til at least Christmas. Tim, Court and I had made a bet not to cut our hair, and well Court already lost :) It's ok, her hair got pretty long! Anywho, I love my hair long and always have and I am ALWAYS mad when I cut it and I usually do every summer, but not this year kids. Tim's is actually getting almost as long as mine. How ridiculous is that??

ps. How hot is Zac Efron? Don't hold that against me, please. Oh, and I'm trying to figure out twitter, still don't understand it.

two in one day. get it.

2009-01-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

You should do this. Kept me entertained for like, 5 min. Enjoy.

1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! DON'T CHEAT OR YOU'RE LAME

IF SOMEONE SAYS "ARE YOU OK" YOU SAY?
"The long day is over" Norah Jones...interesting.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Everybody wants you" Josh Kelley.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Truth Hurts" Usher...really?

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"say hello, wave goodbye" David Gray.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Smooth Criminal" M. Jackson. Ohh yes.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Do You Remember" Jack Johnson. ...wierd...

WHAT IS 2+2?
"Another Day In Paradise" Phil Collins.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"Everything" Lifehouse. Aw.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Why can't I" Liz Phair. Haha.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"A Change is gonna come" Sam Cooke. Hmmm.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Today" Joshua Radin.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Relentless" Sidewalk Prophets. Huh.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Jack and Diane" John Mellencamp. Well, duh.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Naked" Spice Girls. Well, naturally.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Ballad of San Fransico" Caedmon's Call.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Can't stop now" Keane.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"We belong together" Mariah Carey. HA! Perfect.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Haven't seen you for awhile" Pat McGee Band.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"What about tomorrow" Oval Opus.

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"The Wanderer" Marc Broussard. Interesting.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Yesterday Morning" Matt Wertz. Not so much.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Dirty Laundry" Don Henley. Well, sometimes.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"The King of wishful thinking" Go West. You have got to be kidding, right? I wish I would cheated on this one.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Livin' the Blues" Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash.

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Where the streets have no name" U2

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Got Money" Lil' Wayne and T-Pain. HAHAHA. Fair enough.

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Mid-November" Jonathan Rice

penny for your thoughts.

2009-01-29T12:14:00.000-08:00

I've done alot of soul searching the past, 6 months or so. I've come to realize, and some of you may already have known this, but I've just built this wall. I mean, HUGE wall around my heart. Its not easy for me to let someone in, friendship wise and relationship wise. I know this, and I'm aware of this but I just wasn't doing anything about it. I have let this wall build so far up that I'm not sure how I'm going to break it down.

I guess the realization for me was, and this is going to sound ridiculously dumb, but its true. I was on facebook the other night and I was on someones page and I saw Lukes profile. "Wow" I thought. I hadn't looked at his page in months. So, I clicked on it. Come to find out we aren't "friends" anymore on facebook. Didn't suprise me. But I don't know why I thought about it so much. I was holding onto something, I'm not sure what, but something. After we ended things, 4 years ago, thats when my wall starting building. I haven't dated anyone since then. WOW! SERIOUSLY! 4 years. Am I that pathetic?? So I sat and thought about that for a while, and I realized the answer to that question is no, I'm not that pathetic. He was my first love, and those stick with you for the rest of your life. I know 100% I'm not supposed to be with him, but for some reason it just ate away at me. I've become so bitter and so heartless towards guys that I have just pushed and pushed guys away. Not that I have them knocking down my door, but you know what I mean.

So I'm turning over a new leaf. I never do new years resolutions and I realize that its the 29th of January, but its never too late to make a resolution right? Even if it is, I'm doing it. I'm going continue to demolish that wall and not allow it to build up again. I also question whether or not I'm scared of marriage or committment. I don't think I'm scared of committment, but sometimes the thought of marriage scares me. Not that I don't want to be married, cause I do someday, and its not the whole "being with one person for the rest of your life" idea either, I don't knwo what it is. Marriage is hard, you gotta work at it everyday, so I've been told, and I guess I just haven't found that "someone" that I'm willing to make it work with. I know that I'm only 24, and I've got "plenty of time" so my mother tells me, but if you look at all my friends, except for the handful that are still single like me, *let me hear ya ladies and gents!* they are either engaged, married or having kids. NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT, and I know thats not what God has in store for my life just yet, but its just depressing sometimes, ya know? Let me be dramatic for a minute, ok!

But hey, I have patience and I can wait, but HOW LONG DO I GOTTA WAIT?!?! :) Alright, I apologize for anyone who has read this and think that I'm a complete drama queen and want a pity party, cause I definitely don't. Just my thoughts today.

Oh, its been awhile.

2009-01-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

Wow, its been awhile huh? I was reading Courtneys blog and I realized that I hadn't wrote on my mine in like 5 months. Thats ridiculous! I mean, I highly doubt alot of people check to see if I updated, but for the one person that may, here you go. I have listed below what has happened in the past 6 months, random thoughts of mine, etc. So, enjoy.

-I realize that I love the cold weather and the snow more then ever this year, and I don't know why.
-I graduate in a month, and that scares the living crap out of me.
-I love my job and my time with Ali more then ever now, shes 16 months old, walking, "talking", and dancing. She has more of a personality then most people I know. Shes free, fearless, content....something I envy.
-Christmas was a blurr to me. 2 weeks before Christmas my dad had a massive heart attack, and it seems as if we all slept through Christmas this year. One of those moments "I never thought this would happen to our family" and when it actually did, its like we didn't know how to respond to it.
-I have an obsession with fruity cheerios.
-I started this thing called bootcamp, and its at 5:15am on tuesdays and thursdays and its a full hour of strength and cardio. Hell? yes, it is. I think I underestimated the title "bootcamp."
-I leave to go on a cruise at the beginning of march, and I'm really excited cause I've never been on one before! Hopefully I don't get motionsick. ew.
-I'm getting a new car. FINAAALLLY!! I've gotten to the point that I'm sick of being stranded on the side of the road. Shes been a good car, but its time to move on.
-I'm sick of guys, in general.
-I miss knoxville more then ever these past couple months. Not sure why, but I do.
-I've decided that I'm giving myself a year in Indy to figure out what I want to. I've applied to many jobs, none of which are in Indy. Interesting, huh?
-I'm the maid of honor in one my best friends weddings this year, and I have NO idea where to start with that!! But HOW EXCITING!!! "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" ---thank you mother.
-I've been church hunting for the past 6 months, and I hate that. I've been to many and just haven't felt that "click" yet.
-I miss my friends, alot.
-I'm OBSESSED with tv lately. I have a show everynight, sometimes 2 or 3 in one night. Its getting ridiculous.
-Its taken me awhile to get here, but God is so much bigger then I ever imagined.

...I think this is it for now. I'm got to go play "kitchen" with Ali.

**love, peace and chicken grease** (who can name that movie???)

crinkled leaves. cold air and coffee.

2008-08-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

ah yes, its almost that time. fall time. My favorite time of the year, and I couldn't be anymore ready for it. When I think of fall though, it takes me back to knoxville and virginia. I miss those places. I miss the way I would feel when I was. I miss knoxville. I miss it more now these days then I think I ever have. I miss the people, the atmosphere, the tons of things to do on any given day, and I miss my friends. Its funny that when I think of fall I think of the music I listen to. I listened to waterdeep on my way to work today and I was just in a good mood. I was tired, very tired, but yet I found myself smiling and found myself wanting it to be fall more then anything right now. I miss virginia. I miss the mountains. I miss montebello.

I thought about how if I wouldn't of gone to Johnson, I wouldn't have these friendships that have allowed me to enjoy Gods beautiful creation like I have. I can remember the first time I went home with Courtney (my sister-in-law) freshman year, and thinking that Virginia was one of the most beautiful places I had been. I remember the first year I went to Montebello, and thinking to myself, 'now this is the kind of place I could see myself living.' I think about the time that we had about 20 people go to montebello, about 4 or 5 in each car and all our cars had names. I remember driving with Court, Vaka and Matt D and probably never laughing so hard in my life. How we listened to Brad Paisleys and sang it at the top of our lungs. I miss those times were we wouldn't really have to do anything, but be in the company of one another and we would all be content, but yet we often found ourselves laughing so hard we would have tears.

I'm not ready to grow up yet, but I know its coming sooner rather then later. I miss you all, and I love you all more then you probably know.

check.

2008-08-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not sure how many of you have a "list" but I do. You know the list that you have made of the top 10, 20 or even 30 things you want to do before you die. Well, I have that list. I have about maybe 15 things on there that I wanna do before I die. Some big, some very small. Well I can check one off my list tonight. I worshipped with HillsongUnited tonight. It was incredible. You know how you picture something in your mind and it seems incredible, and then when you actually see it with your own eyes, it turns out to be completely different and even more incredible then you could ever imagine? Yeah, that was tonight. It almost discusts me how ridiculously talented all of them are. I mean seriously. Brooke Fraser also with them tonight. I didn't think she would be, but she was. Incredible. During Saviour King, I caught myself just staring at this crowd of probably 1000 people, and my heart is just overjoyed, tears flowing down my face, my brother standing next to me, all there to do one thing. Worship as one to our Holy King. This is what we're called to do. We're called to be a community and worship Him. I think one of them said tonight and I'll repeat it, God has called us to be us. No one can be me. No one can be you. And thats whats incredible about it. It doesn't matter who is on stage, doesn't matter who always gets the promotion, doesn't matter who drives the nicest cars or has the nicest house. God has called me to be me. To live a life Holy and pleasing to Him.

I've always seem to struggle of what people think of me. I've gotten better in my older years (23..ok..I'm old to some people) But I can remember in high school, how I wanted to drive a nice car cause I didn't want people to think that I didn't have money, but in all reality we didn't have money. Ministers salary, come on now. We all know that. But to me, I wanted people to think I did. I always had to have the nicest clothes, shoes, etc. I can even remember getting a swimsuit at pacsun(oh yeah) my senior year of high school and it cost about 80 bucks. HOW RIDICULOUS!! A swimsuit! seriously. I sometimes catch myself thinking that well if I only had that car or those jeans or those shoes that people will like me. I think that if I get a certain haircut or wear certain kinds of makeup(which I don't wear any...anyway) people will find me "popular'. I've really worked on this the past couple years to be content with me. God made me the way I am, and I need to be okay with it. Trust me, it hasn't been the easiest for me, but I've gotten a heck of a lot better. But, God has called me to be me, and I'm okay with that.

Conclusions.

2008-08-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that I hate cars. Just when you think everythings good on your car, jokes on you or me for that matter, and well my car stopped running. I hate cars.

I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather be outside on any day, rain, snow, sunshine...I love it. I realized it this weekend when all the guys were fishing and the girls were inside, I just wanted to be outside too. Fishing, gutting fish (discusting, I know, but I was enthralled). I would live outside if I could.

I've come to the conclusion that I absolutely hate saying goodbye. No matter who it is, when it is, I hate it. I don't handle them well, and I don't think I ever will.

I've come to the conclusion that I hate leasing offices. They are stupid and all should be punched in the gut. Lindy and I have been fighting with our leasing office since we moved in and yet its still not fixed. We still don't even have a lease in our hands, which I think is illegal, and we have late fees out the butt. For what you ask? We have NO idea. They keep saying we haven't paid something, and yet we have proof of everything we've paid. Funny huh? Stupid, stupid people.

I've come to the conclusion that I miss the mountains more then I thought I ever would. I would do anything right now to be back there. I miss the smell of them. Sounds weird, I know. But its the truth. I miss the beauty of God's creation that I will never never understand how he could make something so beautiful. I miss those mountains.

I've come to the conclusion that I love having family so close. Sometimes I wonder how the heck I will move, but yet I know I want too. For months I wanted Tim and Court to move here, and now they have. How am I going to move? Maybe they will just come with me? :)

I've come to the conclusion that I'm sick of living in an apartment. I want a house. I want something that is mine. I want something that I can paint and do whatever I want with it. I want a garden and a flower bed. I want to rake leaves in the fall. Sick out on my own porch over looking the mountains.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to get married in the church. I want something different. simple. I don't want all the shebang. I get nervous in front of people anyway, no way I could ever get married with a ton of people just staring at me. Talk about hives and passing out much? Perhaps the beach or mountains. I'd be okay with either of those. Now, just gotta find the guy, right? wish me luck.

I've come to the conclusion that I don't like the church sometimes. Enough said.

I've come to the conclusion that I love reading. Doesn't matter what it is. I've found myself sitting in my car in my room, legs propped up on the end table and window open, drinkin a cup of coffee and reading for hours. I'd love to just read for my job, and get paid for it. How can I make that happen?

I've come to the conclusion that I love to clean, waaay to much. I clean when I'm sad, mad, upset, happy, etc. Its a sick thing that my mother has worn off onto me.

I've come to the conclusion that I love to try new things. Whether that be food, or an activity, or a game or anything really. I'll try something once, anytime.

I've come to the conclusion that I love thunderstorms. LOVE THEM!!

I've come to conclusion that I hate scary movies. Thats nothing new, everyone knows that. But I had a discussion the other night with a girl from my class and she LOVES them. I mean loves them. Watches one like one a night. Thats ridiculous, and stupid I might add. Who in their right mind actually would want to put that crap in their head? ew. discusting.

I've come to the conclusion that I hate clowns. Nothing new again. But I haaaaaaaaaaaate them.

I think thats enough for now. I'm tired. I'll pick these up later. But I will leave you with my new favorite cover song. Enjoy.

she hates the sounds that goodbyes make.

2008-08-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

Its monday morning, about 8:42 am. The day that I've dreaded for about a year now. The day that one of my best friends and many close friends pack up, drive 32 hours across country and start their lives in Eugene, OR. Yes, 15 states away from here. Awful, I tell ya. It makes me nauseas sometimes when I think about it. I'm having breakfast with drew in about 30 minutes, and I've come to the realization that it may be the last time I see him til december. How discusting is that??? I mean seriously, 5 months. Here I am used to calling him and knowing that I'll see him in about 20 minutes (the distance from his house to my apartment.) Now I know when I call him he'll be 32 hours aways away and well that is not driving distance. Well, it is, but not for me. Needless to say, today is a sad, sad day, but I know that God has huge things in store for all the eugene team, but I'm just not ready to let go, just yet.

Rupaul is back.

2008-07-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen this movie. You need too. Its one of those movies after you watch it you think to yourself, you either want to pack up and take a long trip and not take a cellphone or anything of the such. Watch it. You'll like it. I promise.

Ps. I'm obsessed with Gilmore Girls. I mean, obsessed. Also, I am learning Thai massage tonight. So whats that mean dunbar...yes, Rupaul is back. I shall have good stories. For others who don't know the story, the guy/girl who teaches us our Thai massage and shiatsu massage is well, a guy but has longer hair then I, bigger boobs then I and I can't keep a straight face while he is in the room. Awful, I know. But I speak only the truth. I'll keep you posted and let you know how funny it is.

Gut Punch.

2008-07-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

You ever get that "punch in the gut" feeling? Its not fun is it? I had that recently. Its not a fun feeling when all your ex's are married or getting married knowing that you are still single. Ridiculous I know, but hear me out. I was recently facebook stalking (shocking, I know) and I looked at someones profile that I hadn't in a really long time. My ex, Luke. Many of you who read this, know him or know of him, and we all know that our relationship wasn't the best, but at the time I thought it was going to be a forever thing. He just recently got engaged and well that in itself when I found about it, about brought me to my knees. I was overcome by sadness and alittle bit of anger, but to be completely honest the more I thought about it, the more I found myself saying, I am glad thats not me. He recently added his engagement pictures and well being the nosey person that I am, I couldn't help but look. One of those things that I know I shouldn't do cause I know I'll be thinking about it for the next few days, but I did it anymore. Funny how some of us make ourselves misreable, knowing before that it will do that. Anyway, I'm happy its not me, and I'll wait on my day to come, cause I know it will. Someday.

hillbilly golf and friendships...

2008-07-01T22:08:00.001-07:00

Tonight, was well...fun. I went up to Tim and Courts for a cookout and some barkyard games. Oh yeah. Ended up going to watch Tim play softball (in which, he still does got game). Then Court and I went and looked at a house that they are looking at maybe renting or buying. Precious house. I think they should move, but thats just my opinion :) Then we went and got some groceries, and some of the youth kids were over, which Tim and Court are blessed to have the youth group that they have. They are some stinkin' cool kids. ANYWAY....Tim, the handyman that he is, built himself a cornhole set, so we had that to play, and then one of the youth kids brought Hillbilly golf. Never played it before, but I've gotta admit, might be one of my new favorite games. Courtney beat me, of course, but indeed still redneck funness all around.

Well, to get to where I'm going on this post....I was driving home and I found a cd in my car, and it wasn't labeled, so no idea what was on it. Put it in and well....what came out was a suprise to me. It was a cd that I had made either my freshman or sophomore year at johnson. I'm tellin ya, some of the songs on that cd, made me laugh really hard. You know when you hear a song and you remember exactly where you were when you first heard it? Well, the first song on it was Starry Host. When I first hear this song, it always brings me back to my freshman year, when I went home with Courtney, HB, Lindsay, Summer, for spring break, Court still driving the ol' Volvo and we were just entering into Virginia. Still remember that feeling. The night that Court, Linds, HB and I decided to go to Summers and put easter grass everywhere, and Courts mom wondering why the heck we needed to borrow the van and why we were all dressed like we were going to go rob a bank. Well as I continued going through the songs, I had put some Shane and Shane on there. I was OBSESSED with them my freshman year. Anytime I hear their Carry Away cd, it takes me back to 2nd South, rooming with Cass, cause we wore that cd OUT, cause thats all we listened to when we would go to sleep. I seriously still hear that cd and I smile everytime cause I had so many good memories on 2nd south.

I miss those days. I miss not having to do anything on the weekends, sit in the dorms, watch seasons of friends, eat cookie dough or brownie mix (nicole gooch) and be completely content knowing that all my best friends are sitting beside me. I miss the nights of uncontrollable laughter over something or over absolutely nothing. I miss the nights at johnson. The way the buildings looked, the way it felt outside. I miss theme days. Hippie day, the night court spent like 4 hours making my hair into dreads. Or the night we decided to dress up really nice and go to starbucks, and act like we were classy. ha! I miss the nights of engagements and decorating the rooms with "how many days til sex" and the bachelorette parties with penis cookies and having to draw sex positions on balloons! (hey, thats what you gotta do when you are on a bible college campus!) I miss the nights we would sit outside, on the corner, of course, and watch the boys play wiffle ball, or skateboard, or just sit and talk and laugh til we had to go in for curfew (which we never really obeyed.) I miss the nights that I would spend in Rachels room til Lord only knows when, just talking, about anything and everything. I miss the days and nights spent at Worlds Fair playing in the fountains, throwing frisbee, or laying out. I miss sundown in the city. I miss old knoxville. I miss the relationships. I miss it all. I made some of the best friendships there that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Thank you, to all of you, you have blessed my heart more then you will ever know!

Bless my soul...

2008-06-30T21:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I decided to get one of these things. So here we go...

I got a phone call tonight, from an old friend, who when I heard her voice, brought me to tears. Ever met someone, that immediately your heart is just drawn to them? The time that I spent with her was limited, but was one of the best experiences of my life. She is an amazing woman of God, and her voice and her words tonight was what my heart and soul needed to hear.

To change subjects, I had a wedding friday night. My roommate and I were pretty much in charge of the reception. I didn't exactly realize the extent of it, and when we got there friday morning, I thought to myself "what have I gotten myself into?" We had a ton of stuff to do before 7:30pm, and we started about 1pm. Now for some that seems like plenty of time, but when the bride and groom are expecting 300 to 350 people, thats alot of work. Lindy and I had to so much though. We were running around like crazy, and the bride's attention to detail almost killed us, but the finished product was incredible. I think I've missed my calling in my life as a wedding planner. Never too late I guess.

Hope everyone is well. I'll try and keep this thing updated!